I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
FUCK WHALES
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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