Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
