I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
