he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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