Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
