STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
