Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
