Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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