so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
foreskin is a definite game changer
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
