What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
