jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
