lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
