Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
