i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
