she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
