i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
