Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
