he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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