So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
