i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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