:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
