chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
In America we eat man semen.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
this is an emotional support booty call
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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