I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
