mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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