my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
