ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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