I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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