god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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