she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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