Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize