Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
