Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
