I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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