she was so not down for the gang bang
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
