y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
