Duck Duck Cougar?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
