Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
