The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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