Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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