totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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