break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
