maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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