I cockslap morals
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
