All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
