I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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