Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize