im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
