when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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