Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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