Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
