she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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