Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
