Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
