I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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