I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize