If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
