I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I touched a dick in church today
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