Ambien. No doubt about it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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