I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
