I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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