Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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