how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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