I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
