I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
