new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it because I queefed?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
