I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
