Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
whose parrot is this?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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