just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
