I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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