I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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