I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
