yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
