Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
