I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
