i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
