I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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