no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
