dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
