I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
