you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
