my sisters under your porch take her home
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
