ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
