It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
